So, I bought bananas and now I have a few fruit flies. Typical. If you don’t want to give up buying bananas, I’m here to help you set up a fool-proof way to put an end to the problem.
“I […] know who you are. I […] know what you want. If you are looking for [bananas] I can tell you I don’t have [any], but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for [flies] like you. If you [leave] now that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.”
—Liam Neeson, Taken
Liam Neeson is a total badass! Fruit flies beware, we have a “very particular set of skills” and we’re not afraid to use them.
First off we’ll need a few tools…
- Jar/cup/bowl any small container will do. (I’m a fan of pickle jars)
- Something to poke small holes with
- Bait! Apple cider vinegar works great but so will a piece of fruit or anything sweet-smelling. Wine works but do you really want to waste vino on such terrible guests?
- Optional – drop of dish soap.
Here’s where our skills come in…
Fill you container with your bait. I would say anywhere from 1-2 fingers deep if you’re using a liquid. Now this is optional but great to know either way. Dish soap will break the surface tension of the liquid making it impossible for the flies to stay above the liquid. They will sink to the bottom so fast they won’t even know what happened. Now if you’re using a pickle jar you’ll need to punch holes in the lid. Using a thumb tack or small nail will do the trick. If you opted for cellophane the same will work just make sure the holes are small and about an inch apart. You’re trap is now set and all you have to do is wait.
In 2013 I had a couple major life events and ever since I’ve really had trouble cooking anything. I’d go as far as saying that being in the kitchen sometimes makes me uncomfortable and that going to the grocery store is something that I have to mentally prepare for.
I went through a huge loss, a legal battle and what I can only describe as a mine field. I lost a lot and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I was so angry at what was happening and I had so little I could do about it. You might wonder how this is going to relate back to cooking but just wait, we’ll get there.
I’ve never been a great cook. It’s not my thing and it probably won’t ever be, but the few recipes I could make I had learned from the people who I found out didn’t care about me. I couldn’t stand to make the things I had once made with them and so essentially I lost all my fallback recipes. I tried learning new ones but every time I tried to cook in my kitchen I would fail. Nothing I made had any flavor. I picked myself up for a bit but the truth is that it’s getting to the point where I don’t even know what I want to eat anymore. Even at restaurants I don’t know what I want. My love of food has left me. Maybe I’ll find it again. Maybe I just need a reason to pick up a spatula again. In the mean time, just maybe I should put my big girl panties on and sign myself up for a cooking class.
Do you live to eat or do you eat to live?
Being recently laid off I’ve had time to get other areas of my life together. There was so much to take care of that you just don’t think about when you’re working the 9-5 schedule. Things like cleaning out the closet and taking things you haven’t used in years down to the nearest donation center. Putting together that bike you bought a few weeks ago. Hooking up the printer because, be honest… when was the last time you had to print anything.
To be fair I started changing the way I manage my own life a few months back. I reconnected with a friend from high school who just looked put together. I mean their apartment was and is always ready for guests. No dishes in the sink. Hand towels in the bathroom for company. Everything had a place. It occurred to me that having it all together wasn’t enough, I had to look the part too. So I started in and spent the weekend reorganizing my life/apartment. I started accessorizing my outfits. I made a huge effort to break my habit of “putting things away later”. People noticed. I got more compliments. I felt better. I knew that even with only a 10 min warning that I’d have company that I could be ready. Then I lost my job…
I wasn’t upset about losing my 9-5 but after the first week I was starting to have trouble keeping a schedule for myself. I’ve never been good at “doing nothing”. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy taking time to read or zone out in front of the TV but, I really need to get out and see people or I’m pretty sure I’d lose it.
This is when a great idea occurred to me. I had a fundraiser coming up for the Children’s Tumor Foundation. It was scheduled to be an art show and they needed one more artist. I knew a great photographer so I asked and they agreed. All of the sudden I had another list of things to do. I was ecstatic! I helped choose the photos, the mats, the frames. I came up with a hanging display. I stepped in to show the art because the artist had a prior engagement. This was their first show and in a way it was mine too and we did well. Along the way I learned how to make business cards, frame/crop photos to highlight the subject, recalibrate a computer (to better match the colors you see on the screen to what prints out) and most important I learned that I could trust myself.
Have you ever thought….”I’d like to try making a blog.”
The thought occurred to me a few weeks back when I was talking to a friend about how his Instagram posts would be better suited to a blog format. I thought “Well this is the perfect opportunity. I can use this as my guinea pig blog.” It wasn’t all that difficult and over the course of a few hours I realized a few things. First, making a blog wasn’t that hard. Second, this would be a good exercise in marketing myself. And Finally, I’ve got a lot to say.
Fast forward to today. I’ve recently been laid off from a Social Media position at a major Bank and I’m feeling like I need a machete to get through all the red tape that comes with unemployment. I also feel like this is my opportunity to reinvent myself. Starting today I’ll be sharing the good, the bad and the ugly.
My name is Mia and I used to Tweet for a Bank. Today is the day I begin defining myself by my own standards.